That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
