Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
