I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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