He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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