If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What drink are we having for lunch?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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