I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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