Ambien. No doubt about it.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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