Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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