Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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