I am in a vortex of obligation.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
