we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
