She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
