So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
