I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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