doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
