I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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