marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
how drunk are you?
Several
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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