dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
