would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
