We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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