Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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