He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
