Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
