I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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