I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My life is pants optional.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
