Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
