More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize