What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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