you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
