My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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