roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
