come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
