dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
