Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
