it wasn't lemon gatorade
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
