Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Holy shit dude........stairs
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