Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
