I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
