At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
