if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
