I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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