ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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