So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
