ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
