I want to have your abortion
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
