She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He kissed a someone with a penis
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's the barista slut.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
