Can i not drive my cunt home
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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