ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
