At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
