If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
