just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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