I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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