nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
