yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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