there's paper in my vomit.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
