just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
