So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
