He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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