We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
