every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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