this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
