so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
